Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
