gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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