you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
