you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
