i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
