new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
