bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
