giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
