We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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