Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
