I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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