Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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