throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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