help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
