I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
