the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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