ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
