I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
