the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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