Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
