Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
