After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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