The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
