got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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