well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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