What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
