The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
