Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
