there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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