I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
