"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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