RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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