people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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