The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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