if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
