I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
