hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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