if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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