well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
