what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
