Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
