just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
