i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
