You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
