Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
