You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How naked do you want me to be?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
