no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
