I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
