its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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