I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My bed is full of blood and feathers
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
