I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
