you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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