we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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